"You need to cut sugar to lose weight. It's about discipline".
"If you want to get accepted at a proper university you should be more self-disciplined with your nightlife"
"Her discipline is exemplary. She never has more than 1 drink in a night out"
"He always restrains himself from yelling, no matter how angry he is. What a disciplined man!".
What's wrong with these sentences? At first glance, they may sound reasonable, familiar, and quite appropriate. We have indeed been accustomed to perceiving self-discipline as a means of self-restriction.
When I ask people about how they define self-discipline I am usually met with answers starting with "The ability to restrain yourself from..." "A personality trait which helps you quit (something perceived as negative)" "You're self-disciplined if you can stop... without falling in the trap of starting again"
People who cut off sugar, limit hanging around and restrain their emotions are considered to be self-disciplined. And they may be, though not because they restrain themselves from temptations - in whatever form they are-, but due to their focus on their goal. Unfortunately, this core aspect of self-discipline is often overshadowed by or identified with the sacrifices self-disciplined individuals make to reach their objectives.
Self-discipline is an enabler of goal setting and achievement, not a measure of self-confinement. If we treat it as an antonym of freedom, then this is exactly what we are going to experience and this is will be the main reason for throwing it out of our lives.
On the contrary, if we understand that self-discipline is nothing more than our inner power to make our dream a well-established and quantified goal we're not going to quit until we succeed. Self-discipline viewed as power will make you a master of yourself. Self-discipline viewed as restraint will render you a prisoner of your choices. As a result, you should choose your interpretation wisely.
Instead of focusing on what you lose when you activate your self-discipline think of what you gain. Going back to the examples I mentioned in the beginning, people's self-discipline is not defined by the amount of sugar or alcohol they have reduced, but by their continuous effort and determination to adopt a healthier lifestyle. Respectively, the ones who wish to get into a prestigious university or be chosen for a dream job based on their criteria will indicate how self-disciplined they are by their persistence to succeed and their patience to put flesh and bones on their success.
Of course, an achievement on any level requires sacrifices. No one should deny this. It is highly possible that you will have to sacrifice some of your habits or activities to invest your time in others. This though shouldn't feel restrictive or worse imposed, since the perceived value of the sacrifice will be lower than that of not reaching the goal you have set.
If this isn't the case and you feel confined when you sacrifice a donut for fruit or a night out for studying then simply the goal you have set is not in accordance with your identity. Have you thought that maybe losing these 10 pounds is not as important to you as tasting a carbonara? Has it crossed your mind that you may not want to get into that university your parents want so much? If you are trying to apply your self-discipline but instead of strong and confident you feel miserable then a possible scenario is that you don't chase the right goal.
Nevertheless, we also have to acknowledge that some people are not even trying, at least not seriously. These are the people who will start occupying intensively with something because they have learned that their friend, rival, celebrity idol, social circle, etc. does it or approves it and automatically will think that they have to resemble or compete with that person. Eventually, when the initial enthusiasm blows away, they quit saying "It was not that good at all" "I have more important things to do than wasting my time into this" "I got bored, it wasn't worth it". This is what a lack of self-discipline does to you. You see a trait that people gain in their journey of practicing, testing, and increasing their self-discipline is to say no without feeling guilty or intimidated about it. Self-disciplined people know what they value most and what they don't. This is why when they exchange their night out for work or their inclination to get angry for constructive dialogue and negotiation, they feel stronger. Closer to their goals. Closer to their future self.
Being a self-disciplined individual is not a one-off purchase. It demands ongoing and continuous introspection without excuses, filters, and etiquettes. This is your life we are talking about. It may be hard but also unquestionably valuable. The sooner you start, the longer you will enjoy. So, the next time someone asks you "What is self-discipline for you?" You will answer: "It is the ability to stay focused on your target, no matter how many distractions you will meet along the way. And this is exactly what I am going to do".
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